


cheee sandwich

by aglowSycophant



Category: Splatoon
Genre: I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, and i still am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 14:08:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20797865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aglowSycophant/pseuds/aglowSycophant
Summary: Three is hungry so she wants to ifnd a food. Then  she finds friendship and she decides that friendship sucks.





	cheee sandwich

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Talypo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talypo/gifts).

Once upon a time, some things happened. What things? Fuck you. You don’t deserve to know.

Moving on from that outstanding exposition, Three felt bad. Maybe a little more than bad. It would not be a stretch to say that she felt, all things considered, like, quote, “a vat of shit stewed in something awful for about a decade,” which was rather dramatic, but Three was the kind of person that was dramatic. She was a drama kid, once upon a time. She monologued when sick like a shitty annoying theater kid, once upon a time. 

Yeah. SO, right now she was on her way to downtown, because she was hungry and a little birdie (named Four, who is a squid and not a bird at all unless you’re talking about bird in a slang way but that’s like, British or something and we don’t fuck with tthat and I hate whitep opl not in raci but you know? it’s like you know how hwne you say a thing and it like ,yeah)

“I want a sandwich,” grumbled Three in a grumpy manner because she had a hangover, much like me in like twelve hours or something, but she didn not drink because bad and Bad and evil and Eight would autotune baby cry at her, which was not good, at all. “I want a cheese sandwich.”

“Do you mean a  **cheese toasty** ,” said Taly, who was here now. “I’m fucking stupid and I put mayo on literally everything. I eat ass for breakfast and then I die.”

“I feel uncomfortable,” Three mumbled, and promptly dematerialized.

“Pathetic,” said Taly, because Taly is Taly and that’s how she speaks and not I, said the cat. “I am going to eat Ass.” Ass was not a proper noun, and should not be capitalized ass i dont care literally at all i have too much time i feel lik google autocomplete this is a fuckijgn nightmare

“Oooh you are going to eat ass..?” and then Taly looked up and there was a DEMON and it was Summer or SUmm3r I guess whatveer you prefer this is your body and you life your ive “I have... An ass!”

“Do you??”

“Do I   
“do you

do y

this is a dumb joke

“Ya,” said the demon, and she sure as fuck had an ass!

“I’d fuck it,” Taly said aloud, “But I am in a committed relationsgip.”

“:pensive:,” the demon said, and then disintigragted and also turned into  **Cheee Toasty** . “im ttasty lol”

“lol,” Taly agreed, and then ate the demon in one bite like CHOMP. “Ok. That was fun. Where is agent 3.”

“Here,” said Three, and Three came back with an autotuned Agent 8. “We are here. Hi. I love you.”

“I love you,” Eight said in autotune. Taly had never felt so loved in her life. “We need a purpose.”

“The world is indifferent and uncaring. No one has a purpose, for existence is futile. In the end of all things, we will die and our existences will not mean anything. The sun will expand and our planet will be consumed. The galaxy will collapse, and our  **synonym for useless** existneces will stop mattering like a long time ago,” Taly said clearly, and ignore the typos I made I’m so not siber im so sorryyyy;;;;;; “But here. I will give you a purpose.”

With that, Taly retrived a horribly food item like a frenched toast and then like, made it horribler by like, soaking it in mayo? SOmething liek that idek lol and then she fed it to AGent 4, who then died of dystnetry.

“What the fuck,” said like, everyone ever, and then we were like bro thats woke.

"U have a pirppse," Taly announced, and she was right lkme she had a point but also??? really rude of u literally no one asked u to kill someone but taly didnt care because she hates me "Sperry stop being mean to me."

ok, said me, and then i stopped doing that

“Very cool,” said Eight, and then also Three, and Four would say it too but she was like super dead lmafaoooooooooooo “You are a cool person.”

“Thanks,” said Taly, “I am a cool person! Squids said so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Sad everyoe and then they lived hapy every after :)

except for 4 lol

because 4 is like, dead, lol but lmfao who cares!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> [tumgle](https://eliter-4k-scope.tumblr.com)


End file.
